Where did this mask come from? This false bravado, this pseudo confidence in what? My ability to breathe? Even that I cannot take credit for. The Lord sees to it that I awake every morning, fills my body with electric impulses to keep my heart beating and my blood pumping. Nothing that I do, can I take credit for. What can I do without him that allows my breath to fill my body. What can I do without her that holds me upright? Where would I be without Christ? Where would I be without the grace from Abba Father, Mother Divine and their son Jesus Christ our lead example. “For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son, so that whomsoever should believe in him shall not perish but have everlasting life”. (John 3:16) Where would I be without him who strengthens me? So where does this mask come from? It comes from pain, and protection. Apparently the pain of not feeling accepted, loved and protected had caused me to put up a shield to the outer world. A shield I hid behind and morphed into. I fooled a lot of people with this mask, and I also fooled myself. Who am I, if not this mask? This mask of “All love, no fear”. This mask of all positivity and optimistic smiles. Who am I? How can my confidence be in me if I am only functional because of him? At some point in life I subscribed to the belief that one must earn acceptance. One must earn love, and earn others respect. And I’ve spent more than half my life working, searching, and “earning” the respect of others. Taking my eyes off of the prize. God’s love is the prize. God's love is all there is and will ever be. Yet I believed the illusion. The illusion that someone, anyone else’s love could fulfill the love I sought after. The love that was so familiar I was willing to do whatever it took to reconnect with it. This misdirected belief that I could earn love and respect re-directed me further and further away from the source of true love. Galatians 1:10 reads: “For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of God.” And therein lies the illusion. I accepted the belief that man was God. That through adulation of man, was God's love. That God showed me his acceptance by causing and allowing others to accept me. This is a false premise. God's ways are not man's ways. And God’s love cannot be earned. It is through grace that we are accepted into his kingdom. It is through God’s unconditional and unfailing love that we have our being in him. “For by grace you have been saved through faith, and this is not your own doing, it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. (Ephesians 2:8-9).
